They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
