Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
