i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
