I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
