I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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