just tell him i said nine months
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
