I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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