My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
