Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
