He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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