Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
