so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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