So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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