Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
