if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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