just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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