apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
