tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
