why do cheetos always look like penises
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
