are you still at the devil's house?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
