ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize