i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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