I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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