I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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