I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
