Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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