The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
