The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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