Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
