I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
