It's Friday. Sex?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
