he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
