i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
