Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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