What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
