my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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