My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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