He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
