the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
