The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
