i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
