she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
