so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
