cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My penis needs a shock collar
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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