he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
