Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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