I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
