i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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