Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever