i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning