I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone