I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.