Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
