Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
