i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
