hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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