is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
