Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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