she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
