She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
