That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Found your dick twin last night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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