Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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