just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
