it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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