My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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