I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
