I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
