I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
