In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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