Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
